GIMME HEAD

Since I'm married, there's no way in Hell that's gonna happen, despite my endless hints, pleas and outright begging. So the next best thing is to ramble on about disembodied head movies. Now I may not cover them all in this go round, and if I miss any, please let me know in the comment section and I'll attend to the situation immediately.

I guess that the most famous "head" movie, isn't about a head at all. But about a brain in a fish tank. Yes, it's "Donovan's Brain", written by that Bela Lugosi hating, egomaniac, Curt Siodmak. Produced in 1953, this film starring Lew Ayers and Gene Evans, started it all when it comes to heads and/or brain movies. It also lays the groundwork for all "head" films to follow in that the brain/head somehow winds up with telepathic powers and has a knack for evil. While not a bad way to spend an hour and change, the only thing The Monster Movie Maniac feels is worth your time is watching Gene Evans' portrayal of the boozing scientist. I enjoyed him in "The Giant Behemoth" and he's lots of fun to watch here.

Let's take an easy entry at this juncture. How about a movie called, "The Head". Gee, what can this film be about? This 1959 German masterpiece actually features a real severed head as opposed to the mere brain of Mr. Donovan. It stars a guy named Horst Frank, who does a pretty good job of playing a swarmy mad scientist. As a matter of fact, this film has 2 mad scientists in it for the price of 1. The U.S. version seems to have a few nude scenes missing but judging by the actresses, I don't think we're missing much of a treat. The head itself, belongs to an actor named Michel Simon, who plays Dr. Abel. Too bad he's not able to keep his head on his shoulders. Boy, if Forest J. Ackerman were still alive, I'd be sued just for thinking up that crummy line. The actual head in this movie turns out to be not evil at all and was on the wrong line when they were handing out telepathic powers. It does however, give us an example of what a head might look like if its owner ate New York Style Cheesecake for every meal his entire life. And that moustache. Even David Crosby wouldn't wear a thing like that. The former owner of this head must have been part vampire because there were obviously no mirrors in his house. This film was released in its native Germany as "Die Nackte Und Der Satan" which translated means "97 minutes of one of the craziest movies that Satan wouldn't even watch."

Probably the most famous "Head" movie was released in 1962, although made a few years prior, called "The Brain That Wouldn't Die". Many prints also opt for the title "The Head That Wouldn't Die". No matter what title you watch, this movie is a hoot. Imagine the swarmiest, most arrogant person on Earth and you have the mad scientist played to the hilt by Jason Evers. Well, maybe there's a tie between him and Donald Murphy from "Frankenstein's Daughter" for sleaziest Horror character of all time. Nonetheless, everyone by now knows the story of this classic. Boy loves Girl. Girl loves Boy. Girl has her head cut off. Boy keeps head alive in a pan. Oh yeah, don't forget the giant pinhead monster in the closet found in the laboratory. He plays a big part in this little gem of a film as well.

The part I really enjoyed about this film, even as a little kid watching it on my grandma's tiny TV set, is that once Jan in the Pan's head is severed from her body in the car wreck, the Doc knows he only has a matter of hours to find a new home for it. Now the normal mad scientist (does that make sense) would attach the head of the girl he loves on to just about anything to save her life. As a kid, I thought that even placing it on a broom handle would be a good idea. But no. Not our swarmy arrogant mad Doctor. He uses his precious few hours to drive around town looking for babes with hot bodies so he can have his cake and eat it too(another wise crack from your author, Triple M) When that doesn't pan out(oh boy, another one) he takes to the local strip clubs to engage in some cat fighting and then to a local modeling studio to gape at, it turns out, one of his old flames, whom he soon decides will be perfect for his needs.

Just in case you haven't seen this all time classic yet, I'm not gonna ruin it for you except to say that Jan in the Pan keeps the tradition of telepathic powers alive and then some. There is a terrific scene at the climax concerning the giant guy in the closet, which was trimmed from all of the TV prints I saw when growing up. The full version with all the gore is now available on DVD and it still packs a punch to this day.

Our next disimbodied head film is the seldom seen, "The Frozen Dead" from 1967. Hey, this one is in color and features some pretty nice sets. It stars Dana Andrews, who I hear was once a pretty famous leading man. I guess he never used this particular film in his resume. In this film, he plays a mad Nazi scientist who has frozen a bunch of Nazi bigwigs in his lab and kept them that way for 20 years. Of course, his superiors come along and tell him it's time for them to be defrosted so that once again, Germany can claim its rightful place in the world. The Doc tries to explain that he's not ready to turn on the heat after 20 years of experimenting but the big shots won't hear of it.

Now where is the head you may ask? I'll tell you. Somewhere along the line, the mad Doc's daughter comes a calling out of the clear blue and she brings along her big mouth friend. About half way into the film, a brain is needed for a practice run before the real defrosting and since he's a good Dad, he uses the friend's brain instead of his own daughters. Nice guy, huh? Just when I thought this film was sliding totally downhill, it really picks up once the friend's head winds up in Jan's old pan. We also get telepathic powers galore and her big mouth is still intact, albeit telepathically. It all comes to a rousing finish and in this Maniac's mind, this one ain't half bad.

While there may be other "head" movies out there, I think I've saved the best for last. It's, "The Man Without a Body", from 1957. Now this one must be really hard to find because it took me 53 years to finally snag a copy from my newest hangout on the web, The Horror DVD Warehouse. The print they have is pretty good and I notice in the bottom corner, that it is from a nice TV print, so obviously some channel somewhere was showing this classic but not in my neck of the woods.

I gotta tell you, I just love this movie. It has everything in spades. A mad scientist, who doesn't act mad while performing the wildest experiments, played by Robert Hutton. An out of control zillionaire with the need for a new brain played by George Coulouris, who we last saw in "The Woman Eater". And best of all, it has 2 of the prettiest woman ever to grace a Monster movie, Julia Arnall and Nadja Regin. As a matter of fact, about 2 minutes into the film, future James Bond girl, Ms. Regin flashes the nicest pair of legs ever to be found in a Horror or any other film for that matter. Worth the price of admission right there. Come to think of it, I'll bet better than even money that Julia Arnall has killer gams as well, but unfortunately, she dresses like a schoolmarm in this film. To top it off, there's even a 50's style coded after sex scene between Ms. Regin and the scientist's assistant, who's exposition during his big love scene will make you wish that she played the scene with the severed head and not him.

In this film, the whacked out zillionaire needs a brain to take the place of his own. I guess the fact that he'll be dead after the operation doesn't phase him because he's terminally ill anyway, but his plan sounds a touch off kilter to me. Much like Lon Chaney's desire to have the little girl's brain substituted for his own in "Ghost of Frankenstein." Actually, the scientist's switcheroo plan in order to save a life in the climax makes zero sense either but who's counting? Nevertheless, the zillionaire steals the head of Nostradamus no less, and the mad Doc brings it back to life, vocal chords and all. I'm certainly not gonna ruin this classic for you except to say that the climax features a guy who looks like the Monster in "Frankenstein 1970"'s twin brother. 4 stars in this Monster Movie Maniac's book.

So there you have it for now. I have purposely left out inherent brain movies such as "The Brain From Planet Arous" and "Fiend Without a Face", as they are not of the severed head variety type brains. I'm certain that I must have left a bunch of real "head" films out and if I have, please mention it in the comment section. That's what its there for. At my advanced age, it's fortunate I can remember where I live.

Once again, I am obliged to the website horrordvdwarehouse.com for making the majority of the films mentioned in this article available for either 2 or 5 bucks a pop. Even Jan in the Pan with no pockets could afford that.

UNTIE THE BOAT, WILL YA PLEASE

I was just musing about my favorite film of all time, Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, and was about to leave a post about it. However, mid way through, I realized that I was having too much fun to devote just 1 post to Bud and Lou's encounters with the various Universal Monsters Family. Thus, in the near future, Your Model Citizen, will put up a new blog specifically devoted to these wonderful films, even if not all of them are so wonderful. Check back soon for the link and thanks for listening.

THE VAMPIRE'S GHOST (1945) OR WHY I HATE STUPID VAMPIRES

The 1945 film, The Vampire's Ghost, is about to mark the end of an era for me. For the past 53 years I have been watching Horror and Science Fiction films with more delight than one man should ever have. As far as I'm concerned, the sillier the plot and the fuzzier the print, the better. However, this great source of this fun is about to come to a resounding end. For you see, The Vampire's Ghost is the last Monster Movie I have never seen.

Thanks to New York TV shows such as Million Dollar Movie, Chiller Theater with and without the great John Zacherley, Creatures Features and the 4:30 Movie and let's nor forget the advent of Video Tapes and DVDS, I have seen every cool movie there is to be seen. And probably like you, many I have seen hundreds of times. I must have seen King Kong and Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein over 300 times each during the course of a lifetime.

Which brings me back to my sad tale of The Vampire's Ghost. This film is so obscure that the only way I knew that it even existed at all, was from a photo printed in Famous Monsters decades ago. The photo was of a very frail looking guy in a safari outfit standing in front of an Idol with a jungle background. That photo and its caption must have stayed with me, because as the list of Monster Movies I had never seen drew smaller and smaller, the existence of The Vampire's Ghost always remained in the back of my mind.

So I started searching for a DVD of this elusive film, not knowing if I would ever find it on DVD or if the film was worth the hunt. I was finally lucky enough to find a DVD of it from The Horror DVD Warehouse. Although, I can't at the time of this writing, bring myself to finish the film because of the sadness it will bring, I have watched about 50 minutes worth. I have to tell you that this little gem is really starting to grow on me.

The film stars, John Abbott as the vampire who for some reason, as he pontificates about in the prologue, loves Africa so much that when he's really hungry, he always returns there. John Abbott, who does not appear to be any relation to Bub Abbott, makes one of the strangest vampires you'll ever encounter. He emotes his dialouge like he's in a cheap production of Shakespeare in the Park and pops his eyes out like Peter Lorre when he's hypnotizing a potential victim.

The craziest thing of all is that this vampire is the original daywalker, a trick he accomplishes with the use of .... hold on, sunglasses. Without ruining any of the story I've seen so far, I can also tell you that a potential victim can easily approach and touch him while he's sleeping in an army cot.

Now, why do I hate stupid vampires. It's gotta be for the same reason you do too. Like many of his vampire bretheren before and after, Mr. Abbott not only falls in love with the leading lady but keeps the hero alive for the entire film when he has the chance to polish him off in the first reel. It reminds me of one of the Christopher Lee Hammer films wherein, it takes about 75% of the film to revive Dracula, he pontificates how he is going to take over the world through vampirism and then is killed the very same evening he was resurrected.

That being said, The Vampire's Ghost is a ton of fun so far. I know I only have a few minutes left of it before it passes into the annals of films watched and enoyed and who knows how long I may milk those last few precious minutes. One thing I'm certain of is, that for sure, Mr. Abbott is going to regret not bumping off the hero when he had the first of his many chances.

You can grab a DVD of this obscurity from horrordvdwarehouse.com for only 5 bucks. The film was produced by Republic Pictures and has Povery Row written all over it but I have to state once again, this one really grows on you. The print is decent and enjoyable as the website says. Certainly not the old Monster Channel quality but good enough to enjoy immensely. And while we're on the subject, I for one, happen to like a little grain in my Monster Movies. It reminds me of watching them for the first time back when I was 6 years old. Brings back the good memories of when times were a lot less stressful. The Hi-Def prints that were shown on the now defunct Monster Channel were so clear that you could see all the strings attached to the Monsters and that's quite a buzz kill. As for DVDS, I love the film, The Brainiac (who doesn't) but the new top of the line master print clearly shows a rope attached to the rock that the Brainiac uses to land on Earth. Likewise, I certainly don't need to see strings attached to the candle Lou Costello uses in his famous candle routine. Last but not least, clearly spotting the strings on the space ship in Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman is hard to bear as well. When Zacherley showed that film on Chiller Theater 50 years ago, there were no strings to be seen. I can attest to that.

UPDATE

Son of a Bitch. Republic Pictures got me. I was 50 minutes deep into this film at our last get together and started her up once again. I was having so much fun watching this lost gem that, even though I saw it coming a mile away, I accidentally finished the entire film. Curse you Republic Pictures. I forgot that this film is the definitive example of a B Picture from the 40's and its running time coincided with its budget. So nine minutes later, this film was all gone. A running time of less than 59 minutes and that included the credits.

That being bemoaned over, here's what happened in the climax without ruining the fun for you. I finally got to see the still that so enticed me from Famous Monsters as its locale is the centerpiece for the finale. I'd love to report that the vampire's plans to turn the leading lady into his companion to walk the Earth with him succeeds but alas, I cannot. Actually, who would want some gal you just met to hang out with you for eternity anyway? Especially if she's a bad actress. Can you imagine it's 900 hundred years into their relationship and she's been nagging him for 899 years of them. "Why do you always get to bite first?" "Your last victim was pretty cute. You better watch yourself mister."

Oh yes, since the setting for the film is the African jungle, all you hear for the last 9 minutes of the film are those blasted jungle drums. "Communicate the vampire's location with the drums and tell each village to pass this message on with their drums", says the hero. So what do we wind up with aside from a drum induced headache? That's right. So many natives playing drums scenes that I thought Ginger Baker was gonna show up at any minute and show them all how it's really done.

All in all, I loved this film. Not only because it marks the end of a 53 year quest but it also shows what a director with no budget and crummy actors (Mr. Abbott excluded) can really pull off when the chips are down. There are some fantastic bits of business in this film that I wish Bela had the opportunity to pull off. There's a brief scene with a mirror that's classic. And speaking of Bela, there's a scene in the finale of The Vampire's Ghost, that's stolen directly from Return of The Vampire. Hold on, It just came to me. I've never seen the film, "The Vulture", from 1967 with Akim Tamiroff. The quest continues.